I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
