He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
