my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
