I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
