omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
