This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize