i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
operation harelip BJ is a go
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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