...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think your dad took our porno
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
