That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize