I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
