I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize