What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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