Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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