Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
