Buhtt sex?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
