I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
