i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
