; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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