you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
