Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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