come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
