and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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