They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
