I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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