Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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