sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
