guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
