I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize