oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
