$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
