Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
