did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
