drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize