he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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