Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
