i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
