the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
