You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
jump out the window naked night went bad
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