I can tuck mytits in my pants
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
