Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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