I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
