i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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