I love black thongs
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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