i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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