if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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