just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm like, not good at living.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
