imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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