I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
