i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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