Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
