I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
