I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
