Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
