there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
