whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
