go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
