I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
