I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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