i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So vagazzling was a success
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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