Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
