so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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