i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
