Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
