i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need help removing her.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
