last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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