I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
