ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
