my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm bleeding and have questions
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
