Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You pole danced in your parka.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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