If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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