My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just pee around me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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