Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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