I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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