Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
