My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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